The COVID-19 pandemic has created an unprecedented public health crisis that has resulted in hundreds of thousands of critically ill patients, an overwhelmed healthcare system, the closing of schools, destruction of businesses, demolition of the economy, a president that continues to prove he is worthless during a crisis, and a universal feeling of anxiety and dread that has engulfed all of humanity over the last few weeks.
Everyone has had to make sacrifices and adjustments, even us stay at home moms, who barely put on shoes and venture out in to the scary world beyond our nice safe kitchens on a normal day!
As I'm sure all mothers with five small children have, I've seized this opportunity to let my overachieving domesticity shine! Being stuck inside has afforded me loads of newfound free time to brainstorm ways I can become a better, more well rounded and self- actualized person while creating lasting and meaningful memories for my family during this tumultuous time. After my morning virtual power yoga sesh, I usually make the kids a nutritious breakfast with a theme that corresponds to our daily homeschooling lesson. Then I scour the internet for a home organization, healthy eating or exercise challenge in which to partake. Or perhaps I will find a new hobby to perfect over the next several weeks, or at least pretend I did on my Instagram stories. Next, I begin my ambitious gourmet cooking/ baking project for the week, while incorporating a math lesson for the kiddos. Oh, and we MUST learn to draw Piggy, Gerald, Captain Underpants, and tour at least 75 museums and art galleries on YouTube before lunchtime! Of course, I have also been busy setting up well organized and aesthetically pleasing homeschool workspaces for my children, who have been excelling at distance leaning. PS- looking for book recs, since my 5 year old finished the entire Harry Potter series last week.
LOL. It's so easy to lie on the internet.
But seriously.
Since we began staying home in order to "flatten the curve" 3(??) weeks ago, I have been doing NOTHING productive, at all, and I'm not sorry. Not being able to do the things that bring me joy and purpose every day has sucked all the energy out of me. I have given myself permission to NOT spend every minute alphabetizing the pantry or sewing handmade puppets for the children, or any activity I hate doing under normal, non-pandemic circumstances. Letting go of that pressure may be the only thing that has actually made me feel good lately. So for all my friends who are hard on themselves for being unproductive, distracted and miserable during this time, don't let all the Covid- overachievers on social media get you down. Let me offer you a glimpse into my day, which lately has looked something like this:
8??- wake up
8:10- stare at the ceiling and remember this is real life and not a dream. Wonder what day it is, and if it's the weekend.
8:30- Quinn cries in his crib. Wonder how long he's been peeling off and re-sticking the plastic decals on his wall.
9:00- make 5 different breakfasts, stuff some Easter candy in my own mouth. Scroll through horrible news/ horrible social media feed.
9:15- Open Starbucks mobile app by reflex. Think about having coffee with friends. Get sad.
9:45- Fight with the boys about turning off Xbox. Worst Mom Ever.
10:00- Slog through distance leaning assignments with Brendan, who is facing the wrong way in his chair with his eyes closed. Wonder why he can't just repeat second grade.
11:30- Give up trying to teach Brendy for now. Say something like, "fine, but you have to read for 25 minutes later!"
11:35- Feel validated about not having chosen teaching as a career. Think about how much respect I have for teachers and how they should be paid more.
11:50- Wondering if I should put on a bra or brush my hair before I pop into a video call with one of the kids' teachers for 30 seconds.
12:00- Contemplating getting dressed. Shower? How many days has it been since Lily has brushed her hair? Should she be on Zoom looking like that?
12:30- Start reading one of my dozen half finished books. Kids bother me after 3.5 pages.
12:45- Make 4 grilled cheese sandwiches, some of which contain the Wrong Cheese.
1:00- Yell at everyone to pour themselves a bowl cereal if they don't like what I make.
1:10- ask Alexa to play my playlist while I clean up spilled cereal/ look at my phone.
1:30- Wonder if I need some happier music, or maybe lexapro?
2:00- Tell kids to go outside and play in the backyard.
2:01- Boys can't find any pants
2:05- Help them find pants/ yell at them for sneaking Xbox
2:10-"What do you mean you are already sick of the trampoline we just bought!"
2:20- Think about changing Quinn out of his pajamas. Decide to let him get wet and muddy in the backyard first.
2:30- "Girls, you did your schoolwork, right?"
3:00- Realize I didn't eat lunch and microwave something. Wonder why I gain, like, a pound a day if I run three times a week and no longer eat at restaurants (as I unwrap another cadbury cream egg).
3:10- Start to have deep thoughts about Frozen 2. Is the magical spirit that calls out to Elsa the voice of her mother (because water has memory), or is it her own subconscious urging her to do the Next Right Thing? Some complex themes in that movie, guys.
3:30- Fiona has some psychosomatic injury/ ilness/ problem. I tell her to go on a bike ride and call me if she is going to be longer than an hour.
4:00- Stare at my phone. Wonder why I used to consider myself an introvert. Maybe I am an extrovert who just hates most people? Oh god, am I a terrible person?!
4:15- Open WFSB and look at headlines/ Covid-19 death count. Close app. Open NY Times. Repeat until thoroughly anxious/depressed.
4:30- Should I make the kids color little paper hearts to put in the window?
4:45- Take Quinn on walk around the block in his little ride-on car. He falls asleep 3/4 of the way through, so I have to pick him up and carry him home while pushing the car. Wonder how late he will stay up tonight as a result.
5:30- Another attempt to read a physical book. Wonder if Glennon Doyle wrote the bit about sitting inside her dark closet waiting for her true self reveal the next right thing to do before or after she saw Frozen 2.
5:45- Rummage through fridge for dinner ingredients. Really wish I could go to plan B for a burger and that delicious fried cauliflower...with friends. Will I even have friends or remember how to behave appropriately in social situations when this shit is over? Sadness.
6:00- Cook dinner. Ok, fine, you can play Xbox now. whatever.
6:10- Hey, has anyone seen Lily?
6:30- Check the news again, get overwhelmed with dread.
6:45- Easter candy/ Girl Scout cookies
6:50- Think about how much I hate the phrase "silver linings"
7:30-Time for rage-filled run around the neighborhood! See eerily empty streets, no cars. Wonder if I am living in a bad made-for-Netflix movie about the apocalypse.
8:00- Get yelled at by the KO security guard for cutting through campus on my way back. By the end of this, we will be friends.
8:10- Hang out a block away from my house in the dark, not wanting to go back inside just yet. Listen to bad music and feel sad.
8:15-Wonder when the Weeknd started listening to A Flock of Seagulls.
8:30- Drink. Drunkenly text friends. Sorry, friends.
8:45- Play 90s song quiz trivia on Alexa with Joe
8:50- Think about how knowing useless music trivia is my only talent, and I basically wasted my life.
8:55- Are the kids doing chores? Ok, awesome. Good thing we made that Rules chart.
9:00- Is it bath night? Nah.
9:15- Time for vodka
9:30- Kids go to bed somewhere in there...
9:45- Tiger King, maybe?
10:00- Shots
10:30- Why is Quinny still awake?
11:00- God, I hate breastfeeding. Why am I still doing this? He's two years old, for fuck's sake.
11:30- Cadbury Cream eggs. I should probably drink some water.
11:45- Ozark/ pass out.
Ok. Hopefully I've made you feel a little better about however you are filling your days during this god awful shit show.
Parents, as long as you are remembering to feed your children, not doing anything that will require them to spend years therapy, and, you know, staying home and NOT SPREADING THE VIRUS, you are doing an amazing job. Everything sucks right now, and everyone is struggling, whether we are worried about life and death, our finances, our mental health, or how our stupid Instagram feed looks (put the phone down!).
We are not "supposed" to be productive.
We are not "supposed" to be using this time in any particular way.
We are only required to take care of ourselves and each other, and do whatever we need to do to help us get through this strange, sad, scary time.
And we will get through it, eventually. Even if we choose candy over personal growth.
Stay safe, everyone.
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