So there's been a lot of talk in the news about Harambe the Gorilla, the four year old boy who climbed into his cage causing zoo staff to shoot and kill Harambe, and the subsequent internet backlash/mom-shaming that has been happening since this incident occurred on Saturday.
Oh, how I feel for that boy's mom. As a fellow mother of an unpredictable 4 year old, all I can think is it could have been Brendan. No, I don't think my sweet son would have the audacity to scale a fence and go for a swim with a gorilla anymore, but who knows what the case would have been last year, or even six months ago? This is the same kid who drifted away with the tide on a boogie board last summer, prompting a visit from the fire department and Coast Guard. The boy who was gone in the blink of an eye during countless visits to department stores (we're no stranger to "Code Adam"), and in Disney World. This is the kid who unbuckled himself and jumped out of the stroller into a busy intersection to splash in a mud puddle last year when I was nine months pregnant and very, very slow. By the grace of God, the traffic lights were red and all four lanes of traffic were stopped. And by the grace of God, those Cincinnati zookeepers reacted quickly and did what they had to do before that gorilla crushed that boy's head like a melon.
I'm not an especially religious person, but it's sobering to think about how easily these events could have taken a different course. Kids are unpredictable: mine, yours, everyone's. We don't know that particular boy's story. Maybe he had special needs. Maybe he was going through a particularly difficult stage of development, or a rough patch emotionally. Why are we so quick to assume he had a "bad" mother who "wasn't watching"? More importantly, why do we feel entitled to post our incendiary, sanctimonious comments on the internet, as if our judgement has any weight or value whatsoever? And shame on the media for blowing this wildly out of proportion and pitting people against each other; is there really nothing better out there to report?
Anyone who's been a parent or looked after children at any point in their lives can attest to the fact that they can take off in the blink of an eye. Even a mother who is not in the #fourkidsclub cannot possibly be fully present and vigilant every second of every outing.
Speaking of distractions, my cell phone bit the dust this weekend. After an unfortunate run-in with a water bottle in my pool bag on Saturday, my screen short-circuited, and I was left with out my beloved text/facebook/instagram machine all weekend. Now, I realize this is as "first world" as problems come, but it was hard to be without my phone- my favorite "toy" that my toddler knows to bring to me as soon as it buzzes. I am classically conditioned like a Pavlovian dog to jump up at every little beep. And I admit, I use my phone as an escape. At a certain point every evening, I look forward to uninterrupted internet time while the kids play or watch a movie, during which they know I will not respond to them (barring serious injury or disaster, of course). So does this make me a bad mom? What if one of the kids decided to parachute out of the attic window or set the house on fire with the gas stove burner while I was idly scrolling Scary Mommy articles? Would I react quickly enough?
Even without distracting devices, I'd be the first to tell you that I'm not always the most attentive person (well, maybe the kindergarten teacher who dubbed me "Spacy Casey" might have been the first one). I daydreamed my way through school, and straight into adulthood. However, despite all my admitted spaciness, I more or less have my shit together. The fact that I am easily distracted doesn't automatically make me negligent, or lazy. Heck, I'm even downright productive at times.
The truth is, every once in a while, crazy random sad unfortunate stuff happens- even to those of us who aren't space cadets. We are all guilty of being distracted every once in a while, but it doesn't make us bad people, or unfit parents. Maybe that poor Cincinnati mom took her eyes off her boy for just one minute. It's bad enough her kid almost died, but she didn't need a merciless internet shaming to rub salt in her wounds as well. And for what it's worth, if that boy were Brendan, or any of my other kids, it would take every ounce of sense and self- control I had to fight the primal urge to jump over that fence and strangle that 400-lb gorilla with my bare hands. Yes, I'm sure that Harambe was a very nice gorilla, and it sucks that he had to die (it certainly sucks that he was living in the zoo instead of Africa with his family, too), but this is a human life you guys. A human boy that could have been your son, and a human mother who could have been you.
None of us are perfect.
On Monday evening after a lovely day at the beach, I was delighted to find that my phone strangely began working again. My screen was as bright as ever; not so much as one flicker. And so what did I do? Spend the next two hours catching up on texts, email, Facebook etc, of course. Because my kids were in the house, Joe was home, and I knew they were safe. Because I give myself permission to have time alone, and to not be "on" every minute of every day. I'm a mom, and I'm not perfect, but I'm good enough. And parenting- that shit is intense. Everyone deserves a distraction now and then, because our lives are intense. Oh, and also, we're human. We all do the best we can, with what we are given, every single day. Take it from Spacy Casey.
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