Ten years.

Next week- June 17th to be exact- Joe and I will have been married for 10 years.

TEN. YEARS.

That's big, right? That's like, longer than 99% of Hollywood marriages, and longer than a significant amount of non-Hollywood marriages as well. We should celebrate!

...Except when you are a member of the #fourkidsclub, nobody will agree to watch all of your kids while you take a romantic vacation, so you'll probably just go out to dinner at Bricco or something...

At times like this, people usually say things like "it was meant to be" and throw around words like "soulmate" and "destiny". This is when I involuntarily roll my eyes, because  I don't subscribe to any of that sappy nonsense. I am not a sentimental person. I don't believe in "fate" or "destiny".  Our marriage is a decision and a piece of paper: Joe and I chose this. We chose this path ten years ago, when we were a couple of dumb 22 year old kids (okay, he was 24) who didn't know our heads from our asses. We had no money and no life skills, but we chose this, and dammit, we made it work.

what the fuck am I doing?

And no, our love wasn't meant to be.

No preordained destiny forced us to stick it out through the days when we were dirt poor, having to swallow our pride and move back in with family while we adjusted to life with a newborn baby. Nowhere was it written in the stars that we'd make it through all those sleepless nights with screaming infants while Joe was in graduate school, up until 4am every night doing quantum mechanics. There was no divine force from the heavens that held us together through difficult pregnancies, PPT meetings, moving 5 (!!!) times, job anxiety, and finally starting a new business. That was US; we did that. We made it through because of our commitment to each other and our love for our family. Oh, and definitely our sense of humor came in handy, too! WE chose this life, and we chose to love each other.  And we fought like hell for what we have now. In retrospect it is clear that for all the "worse" that happened in these last ten years, there has been an equal or greater amount of "better". 

Ten years of marriage IS an achievement. Are we too busy with life to really acknowledge or anniversary? Yes, unfortunately. Do we have time to draw funny anniversary comics or make fancy homemade dinners anymore? Nope. Can we even have a conversation without being interrupted ten times or even hear each other over the noise level in our house? No, sadly. Romance these days is falling asleep on the couch with a bag of Trader Joe's chocolate pretzels halfway into the second episode of Bloodline. We've been married for a decade, and have been parents for almost as long. It's not spicy or exciting, but it's stable. It's safe and comfortable, and I'll take it.

Besides, a boring stable life is the best thing you can hope for when you're 32, right?  I have a wonderful husband who is an amazing father, and will do anything to make me happy. He supports all my silly dreams, and gets me Bridgewater Chocolate when I need it. That, my friends, is real love. 

I always tell my kids, don't get married young. Don't be like us. Go live your lives, save your money, travel, be educated, and get to know yourself before you commit to someone else. 

But even though this is what I preach, I can't deny that the "wrong" way worked pretty well for us. We were kids when we got married. KIDS. Neither of us had "real" jobs, or enough education make decent wages anyway. Neither of us had a clue about how to manage money, run a household, or raise babies. Neither of us had a clear picture of who we wanted to be in life, or how on earth we would get there. Getting married too young started a fire under our asses, and when Fiona came along 10 months later, our silly selfish 20-something days were over.  Every decision we made thereafter had to benefit our family. 

And yes, we were lucky, too. We were two college pals that had a whirlwind romance and an incredibly hasty marriage We could have just as easily ended up realizing we were incompatible 2 years later and called it quits. Lucky us; we grew together instead of apart!

But it was more than luck. It was a choice. Marriage is a choice Joe and I wake up and make every day. We choose to be committed to each other, and our kids. "Fate" didn't do all the hard work for us. Joe and I have a strong marriage because we essentially grew up together. And in doing so, we created an incredibly strong bond. Walking through the hard times and figuring things out together is what made us unbreakable. 

Ten years.
Hopefully the next 10 will bring things like STABILITY, something we haven't been too familiar with thus far. But I know there will always be new struggles, more storm clouds in the distance. Right now most of our struggles have to do with parenting, but I know it won't always be that way. Someday when our kids grow up and move out, we'll probably have to figure out our relationship all over again, but that's okay. I'll probably go back to work someday too, which will bring more changes. No problem. I know we can get through anything. 

Because we chose this. We chose to commit to our marriage and family, and it was so so so worth it, as our six year old would say. 

We made it ten years! 

High Five! I love you!