Four.

Hello, my name is Casey and I have four kids.
Four.
And yes, to all the old ladies in the grocery store or at Marshalls, they are all mine. And indeed, I have my hands oh so very full.
Now I didn't start off wanting to be a member of the #fourkidsclub- oh no. Ten, fifteen years ago I would have insisted my life would take a different direction, like the feminist I was raised to be by my educated, liberal parents. Sure, I'd settle down and have kids, but not until, you know, after 30 when I was established in my amazing career. Never at 23, and I certainly wouldn't have anticipated quitting (non PTO related) work to stay home with my kids. What would Gloria Steinem (or Ani DiFranco) say?? Never in a million years.

So here we are in 2015. I don't regret one thing about my last eight years spent as a full-time mom.  I've had so much fun watching my four babies grow into increasingly functional and pleasant human beings. After I had my first baby I maintained a full schedule of mommy and me classes, music programs, playgroups and storytimes. I chit chatted with other moms about boring things like car seats and cloth diapers. We drank lots of coffee. We became our stereotypes: I never did get a pair of Mom Jeans, but we sure did enjoy our "book" clubs and mom's night out (wine). We talked about our birth stories over and over and over again until we re-forgot who had a c-section and who had that amazing natural birth by the banks of a babbling brook.

Yes, there's something very special about your first Mom Friends. They are the ones you "grew up" with, much like the kids who sat with you in the cafeteria on the first day of high school, or your dorm mates in college. You make mistakes and figure out how to parent together. You never judge.

But then, something inevitable happens that separates the members of the #fourkidsclub from the other moms with more 'normal' family sizes. Slowly, the other moms stop coming to library time and start becoming fully blown Non- Mom People again. Their kids are now in school full time. They start showing up at Starbucks with a sassy sundress and heels instead of jeans and an oversized black t-shirt with spit-up stains. They can rummage through their purses without pulling out several half-eaten containers of baby food and Sophie Le Girafe. They start using four syllable words in casual conversation. They blow dry their hair. They work on their resumes...and then finally they're gone. Playdate at the park? Who does that anymore?

This is why we members of the #fourkidsclub have a special understanding. When we pass each other by in the aisles of Target with two kids strapped into the shopping cart, an infant in the front of the basket, and another child whining close behind, we give each other a silent nod of solidarity. Yes our hands are SO SO full. Yes we don't wear makeup or normal shoes anymore. Maybe only half of our kids are wearing underwear, or have brushed hair/teeth. Maybe we are eating poptarts out of the box for lunch. We know all this, and we also know we are still doing a great job. When you have more than a few kids, you know you have to let the small things go, or else you won't make it through the bigger battles (like getting them all back out of Target, through the parking lot and to the car safely).

And as far as feminism goes- and I've been hearing that term thrown around a lot these days- I maintain that I am more in touch with what it means than when I was a naive 20- year old kid listening to angry music. My marriage and large family were conscious choices. I feel happy and quite fulfilled being present for my children every day. I think I am more satisfied than most people... for now anyway. Feminism allows women to realize that we DO have that choice, and if we stay-at-home moms want to go join the ranks of those fabulously coiffed small handbag toting Non-Mom people right now or in a few years we can...or not.

So, fellow #fourkidsclub moms, next time you are in Walgreens and a judgemental naysayer comments on the size our your family (or just silently gestures the sign of the cross- my personal fav) hold your head up high! It's not easy to wrangle four (or more) kids every day, but it's worth it, especially if you are open to the wonderful experiences- and like-minded people- you will meet along the way.