Hi Y'all. Six months into the Unprecedented Global Pandemic of 2020, I have grown tired of a lot of things. I'm tired of looking at zoom boxes, tired of reading posts by anti-maskers & anti-vaxxers, tired of making guesses about the upcoming school year, tired of telling my kids they can't go there/do that/see them, then watching them deflate and mindlessly retreat into the glow of their screens.
So tired of hearing the annoying phrases "Now, More than Ever"; "We're All In This Together"; "Together, but Apart"; "These Unprecedented Times" and "The New Normal".
Tired of worrying if the choices I made for my family were safe enough, and then freaking out about them in hindsight.
Tired of Quinn's voice. I swear I love that boy, but he doesn't STFU.
But the thing I'm sick of the most is the pressure to put on a happy face, and declare that we must look the bright side of a truly awful, scary, uncertain situation. Tired of doling out empty appeasements to myself and others, when I'm really not sure if "everything's going to be okay". It's the toxic positivity that's killing me the most in 2020.
This summer has been lame and sad for our family, and I think it's okay to admit that we're all a little less than enthusiastic about our current situations.
Can we just stop talking about silver linings already, and finally admit to ourselves that the last six months have been trash, and the "better days ahead" rhetoric is naive, unrealistic, and vaguely insulting to anyone who has been paying attention? It's okay to feel negative emotions right now, because this year has been a string of continuous disappointments, fear, uncertainty and loneliness for everyone. Mix that in with a frightening and unstable political climate, outspoken crazy people with no common sense (some of whom we know and love), and we have an unavoidable shit storm of bad feelings, and the only way out is through.
As a parent, I realize that a big part of my job is to not project my feelings of anxiety and dread onto my kids, who are already feeling their own version of those emotions anyway. We have been cooped up together WAY too much, and I've noticed how our moods rub off on each other, especially the ultra-sensitive teen, who already spends way too much time looking up coronavirus infection rate maps and wondering why her friends don't always text her back.
So now my job has become to manage my own negative shit while simultaneously consoling everyone else in my family, all while breaking up the usual squabbles (and fist fights) and managing the day to day household drudgery. But I'm tired of being responsible for everyone else's emotional well-being.
And since I've apparently read every self-help book aimed at my demographic during March and April, I know that as a woman my default is to minimize my negative emotions for the comfort level of others. I've always felt pressure to keep the mood light, and start sentences with "At least we...".
Well, at least we're not dead! That's all I got, guys.
It's time to stop looking at the covid-19 crisis as some profound lesson the universe is trying to teach us (except maybe the one about listening to public health experts). No, a pandemic is NOT a good way for our kids to learn perseverance and grit, or how to deal with disappointment. A global crisis is NOT the perfect time to "find ourselves". It just plain sucks.
And we all can't be like T Swift and drop a brilliant secret indie album featuring Bon Iver that we just happened to make during all our free time in isolation.
This pandemic is going to define our kids' childhoods (at least the older ones), and define us as a generation of young parents. It's okay to feel all the negative emotions right now. I realize that our varying degrees of privilege has some of us feeling these things more acutely, but all of our shitty, messy feelings are valid.
Its time to drop the act, guys, because there's no happy ending to a global pandemic, even if you douse yourself in essential oils, clutch your bible and pray the coronavirus away. We're all mourning and low-key depressed this summer, despite the fact that we have folklore.
We're all anxious about what will happen in the winter; how we're going to homeschool our kids, keep our jobs, and about the possibility of ourselves and our loved ones getting sick. We all really, really want to hug our friends and family again. We're all having trouble navigating other people's boundaries and comfort levels, trying not to take things personally, and trying not to get too drunk and embarrass ourselves during socially- distanced happy hour because we've forgotten our social skills. We're all having trouble with the constant barrage of terrible news, and all the uncertainty.
But I want people to start being honest with each other about how much this all sucks. It's okay to admit this is the most challenging thing we've collectively been through as parents, and as people.
It's okay to listen to folklore on repeat 24/7 until your husband says "Alexa, I'm sorry you have to hear this crap all day".
And I want my friends to know that I'm here for them, judgement free, because I'm doing the same shitty job coping as they are.
Seriously though guys, do whatever you need to do to get through these trying times:
After all....We're all in this together! !!
(barf)
